I'll let you know how I drank the milk.

Sorry, I ran into your house by accident and bumped my head.

I was detecting the case of the Vanishing Vixens. No luck so far.

I stopped trying and became a Barbie Masterpiece.

I needed more than she could give, but she gave me everything, and now I can fly again!

She lacked charisma, but she had plenty of charm!

They were replaced by a high ranking super idiot.

Cock blockers also need sun blocks.

He ate the forbidden cheese berry.

She has a one track mind but I keep playing her.

The day is good and so is Ice Cream.

Every time I get angry I thank God I don't hit the ceiling and then I thank Gravity.

You can't chew holocaust bubble gum and smile at the same time.

Edger Allen Poe is the true founder of the Zionist movement. Scary but true!

It turns out Palestinians are just a tribe of angry wandering nomads.

She stopped running with the wolves and began riding unicorns.

New book: HOW TO FART MORE PERFECTLY THAN MOST PEOPLE AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS.

I told you to mow the grass, not eat the grass.

I have met all kinds of stupid people, but baby you're the best!

I told you to suck it up, not to suck on it!

Sexy people also deserve love, donate now!

I am not just fighting antisemitism, I am fighting for all the snail people.

The only memory he left her was his large ass.

Instead of seizing the moment she grabbed his balls.

She went from hungry for love to just plain thirsty.

Tall people are in short supply and we need more wagons.

If you can't eat it, perhaps it was never there.

I always enter through the back door.

When their brains become jelly we will use the butter.

Boring is the new Black.

After seeking for gold and jewels she found the magic penis.

Now we need not just find ass kissers, but crotch lickers also.

We met when it was very dark and the moon was new and our love was young.

Thanks to God I received a drop of hope, but still got rained on.

I can't believe she isn't smothering me with butter!

My new store will be called: Delusion Coffee.

Today I will be feeble and conforming plus open to spanking.

I am dangerous only because of my strange odors.

Having three butt cheeks is biologically impossible.

I stopped being a dragon and began collecting smooth rocks instead.

She offered me a hand full of jelly.

Internet trolls to meet in real life to hate test each other.

Causing Jews to move to the promised land will not make you rich.

The reason not to hold your head up high, is people will throw crap at it when you do.

Demon boobs are still better than bad books.

Famous people can not cause a sun tan.

So many vampires, too many zombies.

Its a disaster! I have no more love to give!

Imperfect people are still people!

To a short person I am tall and to a tall person I am short. It's a great life.

If some Seniors worship bingo, then Bingo must have been made by God.

I hope to step away from politics for a while and enter more into other realms. Stay tuned!

Setting: Inside a dark, echoing bathroom plumbing line, right before a major flushing event.Urine: (Splashing aggressively against the ceramic walls) Look at you, slacking off as usual! I’m in and out of here six times a day, keeping this body filtered and clean. You show up once—maybe twice if the human had a fiber bar—and expect a standing ovation. You're slow, you're heavy, and you take forever to get ready!Poop: (Thudding heavily into the water, sending up a massive splash) Slow? It’s called craftsmanship, you watery amateur! You’re just 95% water and a little bit of leftover urea. You require zero effort. I am the grand finale of a 24-hour digestive masterpiece! I represent the steak, the potatoes, the complex carbohydrates! I have structure. I have presence.Urine: Presence? You mean odor! You completely ruin the atmosphere the second you walk into the room. People have to light matches and turn on exhaust fans just to survive your presence. When I arrive, it’s a quick, polite zip and a wash of the hands. I am civilized.Poop: Oh, don't act so pure. You turn bright neon yellow if the human takes a single multivitamin! And let's talk about urgency—you make the human panic and run like a maniac just because a movie ran over two hours. I have discipline. I give a polite, rumbling warning hours in advance.Urine: (Steaming slightly) I am the frontline defense of the kidneys! Without me, the system shuts down from toxic buildup in days. You're just the stuff the body couldn't even use. You're literally the leftovers!Poop: Leftovers? I am the ultimate metric of gut health! Doctors study my shape, my color, and my consistency on a chart like it's fine art. No one is out here making a "Bristol Stool Chart" for your boring splash patterns.The Toilet Handle: (CLANK)Urine: (Swirling rapidly in circles) Uh oh. Here comes the swirl!Poop: (Sinking into the vortex) See you in the septic tank, water-boy!