No more Nazi thrills for you! Authentic Jew @authenttorahjew · 6m Rabbi Yaakov Shapiro's comment quoted at the DOJ Religious Liberty Commission, on how Zionism harms Jews in America: "American Jews are increasingly treated as less fully American—our loyalty questioned, our belonging made conditional—because Zionist ideology falsely claims Israel is the nation-state of Jews everywhere and that every Jew is nationally tied to it. "This framing is anti-Semitic at its core: it strips us of our identity as Americans, recasts us as foreigners in our own country, and arms antisemites with accusations of divided loyalties and collective guilt for actions we neither chose nor control. "No other foreign country does this—no sovereign state claims to politically represent an entire worldwide group defined by religion or heritage and bind its members to its deeds—yet Jews alone bear this unique, unjust burden. That dangerous lie must be rejected openly and firmly. "The remedy is clear: civic education that teaches unconditional American belonging through citizenship alone—not ethnicity, heritage, or any fabricated foreign tie. We are Americans, full stop—and we reject any doctrine that treats us otherwise." Dr. Ben Carson responds: "You know, I've known a lot of Jewish people, worked with a lot of Jewish people, some of the finest people that I know sitting in the front row here, Dr. Henry Brim. 25 years. The chairman of neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins is one of the kindest, fairest people I've ever worked with, and I wonder why do people really think that Jews are a separate entity in the United States of America? "Jews have been here since the very beginning. They, too, were interested in a place where they could practice their religion freely. You know, when George Washington's army was about out of cash, it was him, Solomon a Jew, a very rich Jew, who gave up virtually all of his money and encouraged other people to give, which saved the Union. I don't know that we would've ever become a country without the input of Jews. So that's something we need to remember. "We need to remember that during the Civil Rights movement, who was standing right there with the rest of us who were interested in freedom for everybody in our society? It was the Jews. "Many of them died for the cause of civil rights, and I just want to make that point, that they are not a separate entity from Americans. They're a very important part. And how do we get people to recognize that and not think of Jews as something separate?"

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Setting: Inside a dark, echoing bathroom plumbing line, right before a major flushing event.Urine: (Splashing aggressively against the ceramic walls) Look at you, slacking off as usual! I’m in and out of here six times a day, keeping this body filtered and clean. You show up once—maybe twice if the human had a fiber bar—and expect a standing ovation. You're slow, you're heavy, and you take forever to get ready!Poop: (Thudding heavily into the water, sending up a massive splash) Slow? It’s called craftsmanship, you watery amateur! You’re just 95% water and a little bit of leftover urea. You require zero effort. I am the grand finale of a 24-hour digestive masterpiece! I represent the steak, the potatoes, the complex carbohydrates! I have structure. I have presence.Urine: Presence? You mean odor! You completely ruin the atmosphere the second you walk into the room. People have to light matches and turn on exhaust fans just to survive your presence. When I arrive, it’s a quick, polite zip and a wash of the hands. I am civilized.Poop: Oh, don't act so pure. You turn bright neon yellow if the human takes a single multivitamin! And let's talk about urgency—you make the human panic and run like a maniac just because a movie ran over two hours. I have discipline. I give a polite, rumbling warning hours in advance.Urine: (Steaming slightly) I am the frontline defense of the kidneys! Without me, the system shuts down from toxic buildup in days. You're just the stuff the body couldn't even use. You're literally the leftovers!Poop: Leftovers? I am the ultimate metric of gut health! Doctors study my shape, my color, and my consistency on a chart like it's fine art. No one is out here making a "Bristol Stool Chart" for your boring splash patterns.The Toilet Handle: (CLANK)Urine: (Swirling rapidly in circles) Uh oh. Here comes the swirl!Poop: (Sinking into the vortex) See you in the septic tank, water-boy!