She wants to marry you!

The new face of Islam.

American's can't pay for Botox and Abortions at the same time.

Peanuts and carrots are opposed to the widespread corruption and rampant lying in the democratic party and demand a return to soup and buttered bread.

French Frogs have been using their fine legs to jump out of the EU. They are Frogiting and Fighting for Freedom.

How to beat radical Islam the Jedi way!

It appears that before the Kamala Revolution took off, Biden was playing opposite day for four years. Just do everything the wrong way and say it was right!

Now that the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) is funded, we need to act, we need people to step up as if it were your patriotic duty and create masterpieces full of heart and soul. Don't just sit there, get up and make art!

The BETTER WORLD AWARD goes to people who push themselves outside of their comfort zone, and enjoy the satisfaction caused by an overflow of generosity.

Setting: Inside a dark, echoing bathroom plumbing line, right before a major flushing event.Urine: (Splashing aggressively against the ceramic walls) Look at you, slacking off as usual! I’m in and out of here six times a day, keeping this body filtered and clean. You show up once—maybe twice if the human had a fiber bar—and expect a standing ovation. You're slow, you're heavy, and you take forever to get ready!Poop: (Thudding heavily into the water, sending up a massive splash) Slow? It’s called craftsmanship, you watery amateur! You’re just 95% water and a little bit of leftover urea. You require zero effort. I am the grand finale of a 24-hour digestive masterpiece! I represent the steak, the potatoes, the complex carbohydrates! I have structure. I have presence.Urine: Presence? You mean odor! You completely ruin the atmosphere the second you walk into the room. People have to light matches and turn on exhaust fans just to survive your presence. When I arrive, it’s a quick, polite zip and a wash of the hands. I am civilized.Poop: Oh, don't act so pure. You turn bright neon yellow if the human takes a single multivitamin! And let's talk about urgency—you make the human panic and run like a maniac just because a movie ran over two hours. I have discipline. I give a polite, rumbling warning hours in advance.Urine: (Steaming slightly) I am the frontline defense of the kidneys! Without me, the system shuts down from toxic buildup in days. You're just the stuff the body couldn't even use. You're literally the leftovers!Poop: Leftovers? I am the ultimate metric of gut health! Doctors study my shape, my color, and my consistency on a chart like it's fine art. No one is out here making a "Bristol Stool Chart" for your boring splash patterns.The Toilet Handle: (CLANK)Urine: (Swirling rapidly in circles) Uh oh. Here comes the swirl!Poop: (Sinking into the vortex) See you in the septic tank, water-boy!