My first wife was a tweaker, my second wife was her mother, it's all downhill from here.

When in doubt chase rainbows.

If you love me, then you hate yourself.

She never got her man, but she ran off with his tuba.

The strait hormones just opened.

I could handle the love bombs, but not the flamethrower.

Big balls is still waiting for his coconuts.

After she showed me her 1,000 selfies I got a divorce.

Money doesn't pay enough.

She was smarter than a whip, had some whips, and was holding a whip.

The newspaper lit on fire from sparking so much rage.