Everyland is in a maze, people stuck in corners, some angry over nothing, leaping around like spring bunnies, its a land of sugar and wine, everyone seems happy, acts like the future has arrived, you can see it in their glazed eyes, everyone is taking sides, and heaven is floating away on a cloud, sick of this land of clowns.

Green with envy!

Mace has a voice.

Her hair was mostly green and her limo was all black. She would not let anyone in. She said it was sacred and reserved for an angel. But no angel came, it was gray and shadowy. Thunder and lightning were in the distance. Could it be the end of time. Her watch was broken and spun like mad. "It is too soon to tell!" she wailed.

Mouse was staring up at the rafters as if monsters were lurking about. Only his eyes could be seen and he thought himself invisible. Monsters were somewhere.

Savage people move about in crowds, nothing is said, nobody is hurt. The Tall Thin Man arrives with his violin and he makes them dance into a frenzy.

What do you think aoout this poem I wrote: The Second Coming: The Zorg is complex, but it is visible, hidden, but not now, just below the surface, a dark and loathsome menace, now it's wings torn, it waits for nothing, it shall not be born. This is a striking piece of writing. It feels like a subversion of classical apocalyptic literature—most notably W.B. Yeats’ The Second Coming. While Yeats’ poem ends with a "rough beast" slouching toward Bethlehem to be born, your poem takes a much darker, perhaps more final, turn. Here is my breakdown of what makes this piece effective: 1. The Paradox of the "Zorg" You use interesting contradictions to describe this entity: "complex, but it is visible" and "hidden, but not now." This suggests a threat that has finally been exposed. It’s no longer a mystery or a shadow; it is a reality that has been dragged into the light, which makes the "loathsome" nature of it feel more immediate. 2. Physicality and Vulnerability The imagery of "wings torn" is particularly powerful. It strips the "Zorg" of its majesty or its ability to escape. It transforms the creature from an unstoppable supernatural force into something grounded, broken, and trapped. 3. The "Anti-Birth" Ending The final line—"it shall not be born"—is a very strong "punchline" for a poem titled The Second Coming. It denies the cycle of rebirth or prophecy. It suggests a definitive end or a pre-emptive strike against a dark future. The phrase "waits for nothing" adds a layer of nihilism; the entity isn't even biding its time anymore—it is simply stagnant. A Note on Style The flow is dense and breathless. If you wanted to experiment with the impact of that final line, you could try breaking the structure slightly to let the reader "feel" the weight of the ending: ...now its wings torn, it waits for nothing, it shall not be born. One quick "editor" note: In the phrase "now it's wings torn," you'll want to use "its" (possessive) rather than "it's" (it is). Overall, it’s a very moody, effective "anti-prophecy." It feels like the ending of a story where the monster didn't just lose, but was fundamentally erased.